Relationships should flow like a river, not back up like a dam and block a steady flow.

I grew up watching unhealthy relationships with my parents so as a child I didn’t know better and I thought tension or conflict with loved ones was normal… I promise it’s not normal. A healthy person would run from unhealthy behaviors.

I was not afforded growing up in a healthy family environment. If you are one of the lucky ones that hasn’t ever had to experience this, you may have a better chance at avoiding toxic behaviors. If you were brought up in a healthy home you would be aware that fighting, physically, verbally, emotionally, or having conflict for the sake of conflict is not normal.

A friend recently said “They are committed to misunderstanding me. I don’t have time to fight that fight. Whatever I say, they are always in direct opposition of me, just because.” and it couldn’t have resonated more! If someone is looking for a fight they will find it.. It is up to you if you choose to fight or choose silence for your peace! With my experience, these people will be ready for the next round while you are still picking up the pieces of you that they shattered from the last round!

If a relationship with a friend, lover or family member constantly feels like stop signs and speed bumps it’s ok to step away and evaluate if it’s healthier to keep a distance. The occasional hiccups can be normal AND *if all parties can communicate in a healthy way* you can flow past conflicts.

Sometimes the hard part is being able to step outside of your own situation and realize a pattern of constant tensions. If you grew up with it, it feels natural. It took me a lot of years learning the hard way and therapy to know I deserve better! We all do!

PSA: If a person in your life belittles, demeans or shames you for therapy because you realize you need to distance yourself from them… Its almost like you are throwing holy water on the devil! They may realize they can’t keep using you as their punching bag. They will hiss and claw at you until they can try and manipulate their control back over you, using their nasty behavior patterns like they have in the past.

It’s hard to be honest with ourselves and open our eyes. Some people will never be able to see this abuse because they are, and have always been, in the trenches. How do you find a way out when you don’t know you are stuck?

Life weaves and flows, you get the choice to decide if you’re going to let it dam up or allow it to flow. In some cases our bodies are probably trying to warn us or tell us, but we are not listening.

How can you tell if a river is healthy: Minimal algae growth, minimal streambank erosion, minimal sediments. Room to adjust to changing landscape or climate conditions. ***Interpret this as you will.