Schedule a massage, drink water, take the vitamins, book the doctors appointment, go back to the gym, watch tv in your underwear alone eating a block of cheese like a mouse, buy a plant, see a shaman, see your therapist, all the other basic white girl stuff… It’s easy to forget to breathe. When you schedule no time to breathe for you, your body starts warning you! I have to tell myself it’s ok to slow down!

Timing is always epic for my panic attacks.. They are telling me something each time. Sometimes they manifest sickness through my body causing illness or pains. These attacks are telling me what my brain is choosing to ignore with facts and logic.

Title: Toy story 1, Woody, “This is a perfect time to panic”

The first time my body fought back was my first adult ER visit. (Of my 2 ER visits my mom was there both times telling me it’s probably just stress) I do not go to doctors so I was sure I was going to die because I’m always over dramatic about symptoms. But, bloody stool and some other issues were a cause for concern. Couple aspirin and a fat ER ticket acquired. I was dehydrated, fatigued, working 80+ hour weeks, time with friends and parties between.

At the gym I have one specific movement that throws me into heavy panic attacks. Full wheezing and tears. When approaching the movement I get worked up knowing the possibilities of it happening again. If I can manage my breathing and move consistently in the movement I can beat it! I’m not bad at the movement, I don’t hate it, but wall balls get me a lot. While doing these it was the first time of a full panic attack where I couldn’t get a full breath in. This was also a time in my life, I was turning 30, my goal was to be the in the best shape on the beach for my birthday in July so I started CrossFit that January. Shortly after, my marriage was falling apart and my emotions spilled out at the gym while crying during movements and began pairing with panic attacks. This caught the attention of someone that saw an opportunity to prey on that… So maybe I associate them with a whirlwind of bad memories.

A few years ago I was having heavy ongoing chest pains with a side of minor panic attacks. Resulting in what my brain was sure of being a ongoing life threatening heart attack. My brain worked itself up and instead of looking around and seeing I was in a crappy situation-ship. I thought something has to be wrong with me. My emotions were running wild and knew the relationship was needing to be done (for years). I had no vision of how to exit or fix me with this other person in the mix. So, I ended up in the ER, 10k in the hole and frantically searching for a therapist or options for my mental and physical health. I was drowning in one area and it was dragging me down in every other area.

Fast forward… I’m there again and couldn’t be in a more different situation in life all together! I have everything going for me. Ongoing panic attacks, pain, shortness of breath, waking up gasping… Time to think! What’s my body saying? Your heart needs people, connection and nurturing. Your spirit needs solo time to breath and explore.

My relationships, family, and friends are all perfect! *it’s not that.

Work is great. *it’s not that.

Me time is lacking. A little Sara time is needed! Self care has been missing as I fill my schedule for work and others, while forgetting to pencil me in! **that’s it!!

No matter what brings my anxiety or panic attacks on. Small or large. They are generally telling me something! Some I can press through, but they can manifest, grow and return if not addressed!