Or identity.

I had a friend once ask me… “Who is Sara?”

I was confused and replied, “I don’t know” then started naming off things I did or liked. I said, “I’m a mom, an artist..”

She stopped me, “No, that’s something you do. It’s not who you are.”

I named off what I thought were my redeeming qualities, my character traits and more hobbies. And she kept saying, “No, those are hobbies, things you do, things you like… That’s not who you are”

I had no idea what she was getting at and started to get frustrated, confused and think.. Well then, who the hell am I? Sounds like I’m nobody the way she was shooting it all down.

This conversation was taking place at a time in my life I felt everything in my current world was slipping out from under me. Everything I knew and built was being ripped from under my feet. I had never truly been alone. I had gone from my parents always sharing a room with my sister, to a husband/15 Year relationship, to another relationship with an abrupt end. I felt I lost my plans and any purpose I thought I had.

This friend that was questioning me is older, wiser and lived a lot more life than I had. Like a lot. She’s climbed Everest, been a competitive swing dancer and ended up in a very popular music video, she was high level athlete in more than one sport, a wife, a widow, a friend, a business owner, well traveled, well educated and more than I know or could list. She had blonde hair sometimes and brunette others. Some times bangs, sometimes long other times short. She is, still always changing and always on a new adventure or exploration.

I took a couple years just me and my son. No relationship. Relationships tended to consume my identity. I have my own voice in there, but it stayed muffled and molded my identity to others that I felt were stronger than myself. I change for the humans I’m in love with or entranced by. I never took any time alone in my life to ask, “Who is Sara?”

Was this friend trying to tell me I don’t have to belong in a box labeled “artist” “mom” “friend” “worker” “weirdo”…. She has seen the world and really got to know people. She changes her identity and embraces being who she wants to be when and wherever she wants to.

Was that the lesson? Wipe your tears and keep changing and growing? Was she telling me I’m more than the identity I label myself as. Was she telling me it’s ok to completely switch gears in life and everything will work out? You are allowed to choose your identity and change it anytime you please!

Because that’s what was happening. My life was switching and I had no choice, but to choose a new path. I’ve never burned a bridge in my life. However, at this moment, I couldn’t take the bridge back to my current life that I existed in the previous 4 years. That door was shut on me, by no doing of my own, but the choices of others. So I had to no choice but to change.

That’s when I started the real learning. Learning to be alone. Learning to fully have my own voice. Learning what my own beliefs were. Learning I was allowed to choose what I believe in morally. As children we are told what we believe, what’s right and wrong by our parents and teachers. We are told don’t do that or it “could” hurt you. Our guardians and elders learned from their parents, teachers and their own experiences. Then they pass their on beliefs on to us, rooting them to our core creating our belief system. In my opinion, not many people in this life realize they can break that belief system and that they can choose their own adventure.

What is your identity? WE THINK, it’s a collection of things we do, like, dislike, our beliefs, personal appearance, moral compass and things we stand for. People associate you with your identity, as that’s what you have presented them to believe. That’s who you think you are. What other people perceive you as becomes your identity.

In my art I have always changed styles or mediums. I switch path’s completely and embrace every new exploration in the art realm. Yet, I feel if I changed my own traits or personality I am not being truthful. (In my head…) I believe I can’t change my identity. Originally at the beginning with my art I thought people won’t understand and switching my art I could lose traction or clients. This is exactly my point! I change all the time with art so why am I not allowed to change myself and evolve when I want for no specific reason. It’s like moving furniture in a house to change the space. Why not. If you want the couch on the other side of the room. Move it! If you want to change your looks, the way you laugh, your hobbies, who you are, the people you’re around. Do it!

You are who you want to be! You are also allowed to change this from one day to the next!