I’m not enough. I’m not doing enough. I could be accomplishing more. I could be doing better at what I’m doing… I have this conversation with my loved ones, myself or those closest to me often.

I own my own business that is an umbrella of my skills and talents from art, to marketing to coordinating scheduling for companies outside my art. Some days with my work you can see visible tangible results or end products. Most days consist of the backend work and hours that nobody sees. Endless emails, quotes, ideas, designs, or obtaining all the information and knowledge I can for the businesses I represent.

At the end of the day if I don’t have a project to present visually I tear myself apart, telling myself I got nothing accomplished and where did the day go and for what? Where in reality, I’ve been plugging away on my phone and tablet working endlessly for hours without coming up for air, food or water.

We have the need for others to love and accept us. With my art being the visual aspect of my work, I use it as my acceptance meter. I have a standard I have set for myself higher than any boss I’ve ever had. With this bar I’ve set for people watching from social media I have a hard time accepting and loving myself, thus causing self rejection. The more I produce, the more self love I have and the less I may experience self rejection. Self rejection comes from having a image of what it means to be perfect and never measuring up to that ideal. Where I am now in my life and career I am not allowing myself to be proud of what I am accomplishing and ultimately hurting myself with my own doubts and fears that I am causing.

I’m not going deep into the self rejection side of our physical appearance here. That adds a extra fun layer to the cake of needing to treat yourself better and stop worrying about what others see or think of you. When a family pet like a dog ages or gets old and gray, is he laughed at and discarded? No, his gray beard is adorable and welcomed. His limp is just part of his story and character. His rolls and wrinkles are pinched, squeezed and adored. These thoughts for me currently could be attributed to me closing in on my 40s. I’m starting to look around at my peers and having a constant though of my outward appearance.

I have days I need to take a step back and write a list of all the plates in spinning at once to show and tell myself… You are accomplishing more than you think. You are capable of more than you give yourself credit for. You are doing just fine. Take a breath and stay the course. You’re allowed to have days you feel overwhelmed, but don’t sit in that pile of mud splashing around. Clean up, reorganize, make a list and start checking that bad boy off!