I assure you, lots of fox are given. I sit here in my zero fox given shirt, painting and running a constant to-do list through my brain. I’ve always been a worker bee. The busier the better, the more the merrier, it keeps me moving and sometimes distracted. The last few weeks have felt off. I’ve felt different. I’ve been scared, nervous, overly tired, achy and weak. Confidence shot!

If you’ve read any of my blogs I’ve explained that I write these so one day my son, hopefully uses them as a guide through different situations or struggles in life. Also I write for me, because right now, I feel like I’m struggling. I woke up this morning and did the normal thumb through social media like a daily cup of coffee routine. I came across one that stopped me…. “Friendly reminder, doing your best, does not mean, pushing yourself to the point of a mental breakdown,” well friends I think I’m there and this came at the right time, as do most things in life if you’re paying attention! I’m sharing this message too, in hopes that maybe it can help someone else.

I went to bed the other night scared, alone and lonely. Scared of failing running my own business as an artist. Scared of failing as a mom. Scared of failing in a new relationship. I haven’t been getting a full/good night sleep for years at this point. My house has been a wreck. I’ve been juggling two houses, two mortgages, two sets of utility bills. I’ve had a constant headache, my eyes playing tricks and neck pains. I’m not sure if it’s stress, overuse, or something worse. So as I go to bed I’m thinking the absolute worst and start crying while thinking… I may be about to lose my mind, I’m not thinking clearly, should I call my sister to see if I can stay with her to feel the comfort of family and stop running the worst case scenarios in my head.

My motivation has been slipping even though I’m continually working. Even when I take my trips, I still have my business I follow up on and I also have a remote job that I don’t break from. I’m burning out and can’t figure out how to re-light the fire! Maybe doing 3 jobs a week instead of 8 is ok, but then I feel like a slacker and how will I pay the bills and feed us now?! On top of it all I’ve been fighting three years to get insurance for my home repairs from hurricane Michael , I’ve gone through adjusters, lawyers and now my bank won’t release the money to me to pay myself back after I’ve been paying out of pocket from my company from a separate bank.

Sooo… This weekend I laid on the couch one entire day. The next, I finally got up and cleaned my whole house. I slept in my sons bed because I though my bed was part of my neck and sleeping issue. This morning I still have a headache, neck pain there but I can turn my head, got some better sleep.

With all that said… I’m sure I’m not alone in this. I’m sure loads of people are stressed. I know there are people living with much worse pains and suffering. I’m sure I’ll get through this. Just putting it out there in case someone else needs that friendly reminder to stop stacking those jenga blocks of life and make sure the base is secure before your next move!

I guess this is growing up -Blink 182