There’s a difference. One of my biggest fears is being or dying alone. Lately I’m understanding there’s a difference between feeling lonely and being alone.

I’ve recently bought a house, alone. I own my own business (that’s still a pinch me moment and weird to say) which I work, alone. I have my son week on and week off, so half the time I live, alone. Several people close to me have been asking, “don’t you feel lonely?”

So for a couple months now, this question just keeps rolling through my mind. Some days it has made me sad to think, geeze, I am lonely. I eat dinner alone, I don’t have anyone to come home to, to share all the little parts of my day. But, there’s a major difference I’m starting to realize I’m alone not lonely. I’m happier than I’ve ever been and have so many people around me that I love and that love me.

Now, I know I tend to bring up death and sadness when I write these. It’s sad to me to that if something happens to me, I have to face it alone. I have a big support system so I understand I would have people around me. I can’t help to think about people that die feeling lonely and have nobody. What makes them lonely, did they choose to seclude themselves, did they hurt or step on people, did the piss everyone off and make choices for people to turn their backs on them?

Knowing I’m not lonely, but alone gives me a feeling of peace now that I’m understanding the distinction between the two. Also knowing my boundaries of who I care about and who cares about me has been a integral part of growth and knowing who deserves my non alone time. I mean, sometimes when I lived with people I felt more lonely than I do actually living alone.

I have a great long time friend that knows I let everyone in, give everyone a million chances and choose to always see the good and ignore the flaws…. She says, “Not everyone deserves a seat at the table.” And, boy is she right! Sometimes it’s better to eat alone than in the wrong company!