Farewell: used to express good wishes on parting. Goodbyes can be the hardest moments. Everyone experiences a parting whether it be your daily goodbyes, travels, moving, work trips or forever goodbyes, moving on to what comes next in this thing called life… (Prince reference, more songs coming in this!)
As a child I was terrified by the thought of death. I cried myself to sleep on a regular basis for a very large portion of my life. It wasn’t a daily thing, but it did cross my mind, often for many years. Not always for my own impending death. Sometimes it was thinking about my loved ones, friends, people you encounter that just cross your mind. How, when, why, could it be avoided, will you get to say goodbye, or will you have ended your last encounter with then with a happy parting.
Once I had my son, my fear shifted. I laid awake many nights with the same crippling thoughts about my baby and prayed for nothing to happen. I had no reason to have such fears other than the thoughts of, you never know what can happen.
Something had slowly shifted as I got older. People I once knew have begun to pass. Now with social media if you look through old friends or memories, you may see faces you come across that are still there, forever frozen in time on their social media. It’s sad to see their face, especially the first several times it pops out at you, but it’s also a reminder for me when I see their name I smile and think of the happy memories I had with them. It makes me realize life can be long and it can be short, but either way there will be an expiration. So, over time I’ve switched my thoughts to, why dwell in the what could be, to…. live!
Part of my change in thoughts came from listening to music one afternoon in the car with my son. There was a song he was playing over and over, for a few weeks. (Mr. Blue Sky by ELO) As I drove we were happy and singing and for some reason I said out loud. “I want this to be my funeral song.” It’s so happy and I thought how perfect would a farewell video montage be to it. My son got quite and began to cry, which as I have said in previous post, he doesn’t do it often. I pulled the car over and stopped to hug him because I realized his poor little brain was thinking about losing his mom which made us both cry and hug. In this moment we chatted and faced a real scary topic. As we did I thought I hope from this day forward to create as many positive and happy moments as I can, because I want to leave behind a light. And I don’t want to scare him and I don’t want him to have this constant fear of death that keeps him from living.
Over the last several months my song plays all the time at random moments when I’m alone or in crowds and it gives me comfort and reminds me to live. I was painting a mural at a church and asked the preacher his song, after mine had just come on, he took some time and came back that afternoon with his. (Give me one reason to stay here by Tracy Chapman) I’ve had multiple people I’ve asked and some thought about it for a while and some knew immediately because they have thought the same. Some tell me their song and I go back later and play when I’m alone and really listen to the words. This may seem a bit morbid. Maybe it is, or maybe this helps me face a fear that’s inevitable.
Death will happen, so get all the loving and living in that you can and go out with a perfect exit song… My song is in the link below… What’s yours?
Enjoy, Sara 