As I write each blog my thoughts usually go to… One day my son may read them, and if he does how can I slide in messages or lessons that I hope he can take from and use in his life. One day I may not be here to guide him through areas in life, so I figured I’ll leave them here for him and everyone that cares to read. Maybe they can help navigate him or someone through with some grace and positivity. Every blog I realized I end with my Mr. Rogers style recap, with a positive note, this one will be no different. Let’s see where it goes!

Recently my son came to me crying. He never cries and it’s usually pretty hard to get him to communicate. He’s 12, smart, kind, sweet and doesn’t like to open up and burden people with his emotions. Anytime I need him to talk, since he was very little, I take him to the playground and we swing and he’s sings like a canary! I hope one day, as he becomes an adult that he takes me to swings to talk to me about life, love, and I dream we share his big life moments flying through the air together.

The reason he was crying was over a decision of who I chose to be in my life for four years. It’s been a year now and I’ve done loads of proper healing, but this poor baby has some healing of his own. His question…. “why him?” Then the flood gates opened for both of us. I felt awful as a mother for causing my baby hurt and he felt hate for someone that didn’t treat him kind. Now, as I explained to him, everything was not all bad, but I’m aware that everything was also not all good. Adults are messy, life is messy and sometimes you don’t have the answer to, “why him?”

I cried with him and told him he is too sweet, kind and too young to hold hate in his heart. (“You can’t have no (I used hate) in your heart.” Joe Dirt) I went on to explain that no matter any situation in my life, even if I’ve been treated terribly and I have every reason to, I can’t find it in myself to hate. I asked him to remember there were good times and don’t let those be forgotten. I told him I can’t promise I won’t make more bad judgment calls. Again, life is messy. I did say that I have been able to be aware of patterns and see things from a different perspective and hope I’m learning and respecting these lessons myself and doing my best to not repeat. I told him I could sit around and hate OR I can choose to take those times, learn lessons, appreciate the good that came out of it and take that with me!

So, when you get a cut or scrape, you hurt. Then you scab and begin the healing process. Now… From here you can assist the wound on a clean, maybe longer recovery or you can pick the scab and the wound takes longer to heal and leaves a bigger scar. My point is, heal with the proper tools, time, ointments, knowledge of how not to get cut that way again, have a positive outlook, and choose happiness. Take the time to carefully nurse yourself back to health! Sometimes we like to pick those scabs, re injure by repeating what got us hurt to start, and leave a bigger boo boo to fix. I feel like if you hold onto hate during the healing, that scab will just keep coming back.

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/seven_lessons_from_mister_rogers_That_can_help_americans_be_neighbors_again